The last year or so of my life I have intentionally dismantled all the support systems it took me 37 years to build around my life. This journey has made me deeply examine all aspects of my life, my identity, who I am and what I am here to do. It has made me face many hard truths in the mirror, admit things to myself that I have lied about to myself my entire life. I have learned and grown so much over this transition and every time I think I am ‘done’ another wave starts. Sometimes I just want to throw my head back and scream at the sky “enough”…and sometimes I do.
One of my biggest lessons this summer (no it is not how to herd cows back when they break out, or bred pigs, or winnowing beans although all of these have been incredible) is about RIGHT RELATIONSHIP. This is one of the elements of regeneration and a deep element of personal discovery, growth, and healing.
Do you ever have these patterns with people that keep popping up all the time? I do and it caused me to do some deep soul searching this summer. Now I am not going to spill my dirty laundry here…that is for a glass of whiskey around a campfire or swanky bar for happy hour, but I will share what I learned and spoiler alert, it starts with my relationship with ‘self’.
In this fast-paced hamster wheel of modern ‘living’ we are asked to be in relationship to so many things, too many things I can barely keep up. In trying to relate to all the ‘things’ and people out there, we can easily lose sight of our relationship with ‘self’. That is perhaps the most important relationship of all. It is the foundation for and birthplace of all other relationships we have ever and will ever have.
By losing our connection to self, we then start to wither our connections to others and seek solace in surface level hits like social media, text messages, alcohol, drugs, consuming food or buying things. By losing our connection to self, we lose our connection to nature and the oneness of all life. This makes it easier to justify the mass consumption and exploitation of earth’s resources, because it (nature) quickly becomes ‘other’. It becomes a commodity for us to extract, process, tax, sell, buy, and consume. It is the reason why, according to NASA, Greenland is now losing just under 30 million metric tons of arctic ice per hour- that is right per hour! We have lost the sacred connection to self, that enables us to have a reverent connection to all other life source energy. The result is that we are collectively killing our home planet and ourselves in the process.
The solution? Right Relationships. But what is “right relationship” and how do we live it? That is for each of us to explore for ourselves and in general there are a few things #Regeneration can teach us.
Right Relationship is:
- Valuing others > Valuing what you get out of things
- Taking only what you need > Mass consumption
- Leaving things better than you found them > Using things for your personal gain
- Being > Doing
- How > What
- Journey > Destination
- Shared power > Power over others
- Mutual earned respect > Demanding respect
- Collaboration > Competition
- Equity and Inclusion > Discrimination, hate and elitist
- Empathy and compassion > Judgment and blame
- Hope and love > Fear and shame
- Listening > Telling
- Adaptable and responsive > Static and entrenched
- Transparent and authentic > Exclusive and guarded
The concept of “right relationship” often emphasizes the importance of respectful, ethical, and harmonious interactions among individuals, communities, and the environment. These elements contribute to fostering environments and relationships that are not only healthy and constructive, but also promote regeneration in social, ecological, and economic contexts. It is clear to me that the modern systems that rule our collective lives are NOT in “right relationship” with anything! The result is the chronic illness, stress, disease, violence, loss of biodiversity and breakdowns in society.
I firmly believe that all the systems that shape and govern our lives need to change and fast. We are facing the sixth mass extinction. What makes this one different is that for the first time the species causing it (humans) are aware it is happening and have all the knowledge, technology, and resources to solve and reverse it. All we lack is the will! I think that is because we are not in “right relationship” with ourselves, each other, and the natural world.
My challenge to you, if you choose to accept it (and no, this blog will not self-destruct in 10 seconds, humanity might though) is to really sit with the question of “what is right relationship with myself” Then grow into “how can I be in right relationship with everyone and everything I interact with including the natural world?”
My truth is that only when we are in “right relationship” with ourselves and everything around us can we manifest the world we are yearning for. Imagine a world where everyone and everything was living in “right relationship” with everything else. That is the world I dream of and the world my family and I are on a lifelong quest for….but that is for my next blog.
